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Kamis, 06 Juli 2017

The Way You Are

I've always been kind of person who thinks: in order to write, a good inspiring article or blog, is to seize the perfect moment to write. I really like to write when night comes. Night time is when I contemplate about lots of things in life. And then comes the moment when I have so many things in my mind, and I don't have the energy to do it. Sucks. 

Okay. So tonight is the night when I actually don't have the energy to write. 

I'm supposed to write about a story of some bad parts of my childhood. I've promised my friends that I wanted to tell her about that story, but, emmm, not a good time. Maybe later. Hehehe, procrastinator! 

Remember I wrote about multi-potentialites? 
Yup, I guess, I'm kind of one of those, like, almost. 

Recently, I am busy making myself as a Creative-preneur. 
Wait, what, is creative-preneur?

Basically, is a creative person who becomes an entrepreneur, by making out of creativity as a weapon of entrepreneurship. 
I actually made the understanding. Forgive me if I am wrong. and can somebody complete the understanding? thank you so much. 

Creative Industry in Indonesia has increased 7% percent each year since its big break on 2010. And for about 5 years, creative industry's PDB (produk domestik bruto) increased by 10,14% each year, which is good right? 

I give you some data again (hope this is not gonna bore you): creative industry has given 7,38% contribution to nation's economic income. And that is not bad at all, in fact, it is so good, you can taste that 7% and lick it up so it will increased by 10% -15%-20% and so on. (joking).

And if we are talking about export, we got lots of good creative-stuff sent over to 3 biggest country: USA, Japan and Taiwan. These data has been confirmed by Dirjen Perdagangan (general director of trades) that those three countries are the best consumers for our goodies (my note from 4th Congress of Diaspora Indonesia). By my surprise, this creative industry is not joking, they actually make money and give the country a little boost. That's why this latest government made BEKRAF (Badan Ekonomi Kreatif Indonesia) as a council to manage the creative industry in Indonesia for the past 3 years since its inauguration on 2015.

So, creative industry has making its money from 3 main or biggest sub-sector: Culinary, Fashion and guess what? CRAFT. I tear up this page from Data Statistik dan Hasil Survei Ekonomi Kreatif, its latest publishing, and found out that what I have been working on;  the Craft sector, has 15,07% contribution to the nation. Which is larger from Architecture, which has 2,30% contribution (HAH, HOW BOUT DAH, BICES???). Sorry, for cursing. I am an architecture alumni and what can I say.....I said: goodbye. 

Those are the facts that is startled me when I suddenly have the energy to find out those data. BOY, DO I FEEL SO HAPPY. That's why I've been studying Instagram and its content. How Indonesian creatives has the strength to believe that their business is going to boost by just using our latest technology, (and how Kaesang got so excited by Vlogging his daily life). Social media is a huge part of creating fast and creative contents and also, connecting makers to its consumers. Some people I know, think that soc-med might be a little playground called "my narcissistic happiness", but for me, ah baby please, IT IS my real work. I do play with it, little by little, and learn how to make it a valuable marketing for my little brand called: Kertasbykarls. 

My babies. Some of it, though.

I've been striving with my blood and tears and fall out brain, whatever it takes to make my brand afloat. I've been stumbling upon pebbles along the way, but it keeps me going. My biggest competition is actually myself. I have huge insecurities and also bad memories of bad people. I do scared of people. But, how am I supposed to be an entrepreneur if I can't manage my fear of people?? How? Well, baby steps, my dear, baby steps. What I do is I am focusing on my business. When I focus, I start to talk and behave in control, because I'm in charge, baby!

When I called Pak Slamet Rahardjo: Om. Because I couldn't remember his name.
Thank you Pak!!! Love youuu!!! Big, huge Fan!!!!!

@ Art Market Jakarta Vol. 7, Kuningan City.
My first ever bazaar and it was, I dare say: Freaking Successful

Kertasbykarls is not perfect. No business start as a sparkling-star-big-bang-hollywood kind of business. I have been researched a lot people start from small and little by little they become big. Some of them starting it because they feel passionate in it. And most of them are millennials. They got guts and spirits, and risk to believe their going to be big like Jack Ma, Zuckerberg, or Amoruso. Well, we never know unless we tried. One thing on my mind was: I want to be a passionate worker by doing what I (probably) passionate about and start DOING IT.

One of my babies being hold by one of Indonesian Celebrity: Tamara Tyasmara.
You may know her from NET TV: Kelas Internasional series

One virtual mentor, Michael Hyatt, is one of my favorite motivator and by far, the person who builds and repairs my fragile side (after all the dramas I've been through) from afar. His podcasts guides me to be a better person, a strong-willed, focus and determined (again). From the business side, he taught me from his podcast on how to manage people and myself. 

Hyatt has a really good quote:
 "Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen." 
I'm hoping what I'm doing now is going to lead me a useful human being. I want to be a part of 'others make it happen'. What I do learn from past workplace is that I found diverse people who gave me tough slaps. Through that, I know it will make a mark, either bad or good. It will make me a very weird person (hahahaha, no, okay seriously) it will make me a strong and weird (still). Though there are still some regrets, but looking now, maybe God has lead me to this moment: when I feel I give it my all, y'll!

Before I close this down, I will give you more data:

From the above, it is true that millennials (and some genX) are contributing to Indonesia's creative industry. Girllllll, you ain't shy!! Because almost 55% are girls and woman leading creative industry to the top. Who says woman has to be the one who does the dishes and mops all the time? This ain't Cinderella hour! 

It's true, we have the power to change our nation by little itsy bitsy step of those people who believe that creative industry, it is not just a passion for show. From passion they become a money maker. Slowly but sure, they created a field for other ASEAN people and work for you. Ah, dream goal! So, starting now, you gotta believe what you do is worth it. 

Like, Zuck said on the Harvard commencement:
"The greatest successes come from having the freedom to fail."

Y'll keep doing what you love, okay? Promise me? 

Rabu, 05 Oktober 2016

The Unhappy Perfectionist

Today, I'll write a short post (or maybe not, we'll see). 

It's been a while since I've written anything. An article or even a diary (yes, I still keep my diary flowing). So, my language is about to get a little rough, hehe. 

I stumbled across this inspiring article in a small magazine called Intisari. My mom used to subscribe monthly. Today I read an article written by Alexander Sriewijono in a column, which I don't want to mention because's about Career. Well, yea, hello, insecurity anyone? 

Okay, so he is a Psychologist & a Founder of Daily Meaning. "The Perfect Imperfection" is an article that we all perfectionist can relate to.

A little backstory I want to tell you. All my life I have not been perfect, but naturally I am born-perfectionist. Among 4 temperaments they have, I'm the one who says "Has/Have to" and "This, cannot be this way." "You are so wrong."  and so on. I am Choleric-Sanguine. 'A Boss Who Likes To Show Off', that's what I say hahaa.  What is 4 temperaments and what kind of temperaments do you have? 

I've known this for about almost a year. And I learned a lot from it. The way I treat people, the way I project myself and the way I treat myself. 

Among the other articles that I've read, this one takes me back while I was working in a highly competitive, highly scheduled, highly strict deadlines and high achieved company. I was being trained to be perfect and trained to be one of the great. I was continuously cautious and become a very detailed person at reading any single thing. When I was a kid I was very known to my mother as a sloppy person. Well, maybe I wasn't. Anyway, I couldn't achieved a period of deadlines because I spent to much time concentrating and constraining on the details. I was at a learning level and tried to be much more professional. At the end of the result, I was so devastated because I couldn't achieved two things at once: achieved the deadline and a good set of drawings. I was tired emotionally and physically, also my confidence had crushed down. It's a sign that it was not good. And at that time, I restrict myself that: I never could achieve the deadline and that I am done. It's also not~~ a good way of thinking. 

Alexander wrote in Bahasa Indonesia: 
"Kondisi lainnya yang mungkin terjadi adalah pekerjaan yang tidak kunjung tuntas karena merasa harus perfect untuk semua hal, termasuk detail yang kurang penting yang bahkan tidak perlu perlu sesempurana itu. Sangat perlu diingatkan, kadang-kadang, bahwa 'Done' lebih baik daripada 'Perfect and Never Completed'

My colleague was saying that word: "Better be done than perfect, Kar." 

So what we all can learn, whatever is our background and whatever the risks that we have at stakes, is to mindset ourselves that being 'Optimal' is better than 'Perfect'. Our bosses out there must've pushes like this "I want perfection!". And you couldn't argue with your boss. You just said yes. And you reminded yourself: "I gotta be perfect. This project has to be perfect. Perfect. Perfect." 

The result is you're going to be like this: The Unhappy Perfectionist. 

I will quote him again:

"Kondisi-kondisi 'perfectionist' tersebut yang cenderung bisa membuat kita lebih tidak bahagia dalam berproses, dan juga bisa membuat orang-orang di sekitar kita ikut terseret tidak bahagia."

This happens when you put your mindset into a mode that boxed you in a electrical fence. When wrong, they electrify you (scary analogy..haha).  The matter is, they don't! What if, you change your mindset in a Optimal mode. 

"Optimal lebih mengajak kita untuk melakukan sebaik yang kita bisa lakukan dalam konteks waktu dan kondisi yang ada. Kita lebih tidak keras untuk menargetkan kesempurnaan, bila dalam kenyataannya ada keterbatasan waktu, tenaga, biaya dan kondisi lainnya. Kita tetap mencari jalan keluar yang paling optimal, yang paling memungkinkan untuk dicapai." 
You might be thinking now: "I know, I know, pfft, I can do that.". It will be much harder than said. Afraid not, Optimum mode will become much more easier when you just take 5 minutes of break, drink a coffee, or even staring at a blank wall and it will come to your senses. Don't be stressed out.

Alexander suggest that we make peace with ourselves. YES, YOURSELF, DUDE! Not the JOB! He said that we learn to enjoy the beauty of 'the perfect imperfection'. "We have to learn to be more comfortable with feedback or suggestions. It shows that we are not perfect and feedback makes us much better person. Learn to be more comfortable at failures, because it is not the end of everything." he wrote.

At the end of the article, and eventually my latest favorite new quote:

"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced"
- Soren Kierkgaard

You only lived once, be happy because life is a journey! Be scared of being a boxed person, be scared of being a money-go-getter, be scared of being a very dull and controlling. The worth of life is happiness.

P.s: I, myself, is also in the learning process. Even when I'm writing this article.

Sabtu, 14 Mei 2016

There's Something About Succeeding

"No, I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind
but I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I wanna get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't

But, honestly, won't someone stop this train?


Stop This Train
Song by: John Mayer 

(I recommend to check the full lyric:

This song has been played multiple times recently by me. I was breaking down the intro about Mayer being all worried about what he was going through and felt fed up with the world he was dealing with. Though he had wonderful and successful years of carrier as a musician, he was just wanted to stop by getting off the train. Like, not literally.    

I just had this wonderful conversation with my dear friend, Rara. She's one of my closest friend. She's amazing also a dedicated person. We had a conversation about what's going on with our recent life since we've graduated. Conversation that is typical but also very deep within the context that any 20-somethin' is having right now. Anyway, the global topic is about 'what we want and how we do it'. 

One day there's a time when you owned your game and feeling like it's not going no where. It feels like hollow inside. And there's a part of you when you FINALLY know when you want to go and...doesn't know how. Life is a mystery when you are a perfect introvert kind of human being. An introvert tends to think about all aspects that is happening in your life. Sometimes is useful. It does gives you insights of everything (not all, actually). But then, too much voices telling and questioning from inside your head, you suddenly burst into confusion.

A part of getting older is getting your shit together. A part of getting older is also knowing who you are and knowing what you want and need in your life. A life goal is something many people hard to find but easy to get when you understand step by step with conscious mind and body. You have all the weapons you have prepared for years to draw a positive fight with the world.

You have planned to earn things with your total preparation. And when you get to fight to earn it, you just lost things along the way. You. Or maybe your skills (just to be specific). Suddenly you have this urge of getting those back because it's so precious, because those are parts of you.
The real world is harsh and mean and maybe doesn't care about you. You are the millennials, generation Y, the generation who just want to do anything you want and jumped from places to places just like the Divergent. Many of us are lost divergent, seeking through things one at a time with super fast paced and suddenly end-up super awesome or even end-up in the dessert. What are your goals, dear future leaders? We all are still figuring things out, and we cannot say that when you start from zero, it means that all the things you get from the previous experience will gone. No, it's the opposite. You are getting richer and richer. It will be applicable one day and not at once from that zero point. It's that one day you are so full of power and content with yourself. If you're not sure, maybe it's not your way. Every people has their own way to reach their goal. You, me, her, him? We are not the same.

Life is not risk free. Life is not being a perfect person so holy slash so cool you could differ yourself from people who doesn't not have that X factor you have. (see: Chanel Oberlin below)

Life is about unlocking yourself, well at least for me. Unlocking the truth is much harder than unlocking the world. In one process of life, there's a part of you is scared and seems like you can't get anywhere. Well yeah, it happens to all human being at their stage of life. The key to getting out of it is actually: get through it. 

You want to know yourself, go for a journey that is so exhausting you actually wanted more. Succeeding is actually when you can fight your battle within yourself and then battle with others. We have to know that we can. Take time, a little or have many if you can. The answer will open for those who seek. 

If you have to ask, you will never know. If you know, you need only ask. 
- Helena Ravenclaw in Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows 
Harry and Ginny in front of The Room of Requirement
in Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Pt.2 movie. Warner Bros Pictures.

"There's a place for you in this world. You have a part that making this world a balanced place" like Aloy Zalukhu said in Smart FM (local radio). This world is like a life-cycle. You start from the bottom, and then you will find your UP. Does anyone has to approve? So far, I don't give a damn about what others thinks. Yeas. Why do people have social medias? To be approved by people from their Likes or Comments or being Friend-ed? Hmmm.....maybe.... What about this blog? To be approved by others? Hmmm...not really. And this also not a self-help. 

A lot going through in your heads, my friends. As an INTJ (google-up, guys), I find my true self with full of analytic shitty to reach my goal. Hopefully. So..... what about you? Let's find out!

Hester a.k.a The REAL Red Devil

Last but not least, listen to this:

"Heart, don't fail me now!
Courage, don't desert me!
Don't turn back now that we're here
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear!
Or how a road can seem so long

How the world can seem so vast...


Journey to The Past
Sing by: Aaliyah
Ost. Anastasia Motion Picture

P.S: Sorry for my pick of cursing GIFs. I love Scream Queens. Hehe. 
Also, my grammar.

Rabu, 16 Maret 2016

Zara Larsson, MNEK-Never Forget You

This song is going to be a big hit. Watch a few weeks later they will be on charts!

Finally: Cikita Channel! Episode 1!

CIKITA, Eps. 1: A Dog Who Bites Firework.

Yeah, I've been posting them, both of  my dog in this blog. And suddenly, I decided to make my dog a channel. Cikita will hopefully be a star because of her witty acts. Hahaha. Can't stop laughing at this video. 
Dear friends, please check out this vid! 
Thank you!

Go to: Cikita Channel

P.S.: Please forgive me for my over excited background voice. Yes, I totally wanted to mute it too, but I don't know how. PLEASE SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW!!! Thanks. 

Sabtu, 30 Januari 2016

War Zone. War Zone

This is the delicious Zayn. 

Note: Gue bukan fans One Direction. Tapiii pas tau dia ngeluarin single baru, penasaran, dengerin, lalu diulang-ulang kembali. Ya rada gak nyaman sih sama liriknya (sebenarnya). Cuman suka sama intronya dan berujung kepada keseluruhan melodi groove-nya. Mangkanya delicious, despite he's already listen. HEY?!

Rabu, 06 Januari 2016

"Un**** Yourself"

Well, that sentence just slapped on your face with denial of your unhappiness: "yea, sure, I never dimmed my f*ck*n shine out, I still have hopes. Dude, I'm still young, come on!" *insecure* *think back* *sigh, tired* *opened Facebook and then cry*

One fine day, back in the days when I was in university studying Interior Architecture, one lecturer tell us about a very deep song: "...John Mayer was making this song while he's in his mid-twenties. He was having a crisis."

That, was the very first time I've found out that age crisis doesn't only happened for the middle-aged people. It is also happened for the twenties people. Yeah, read-me! That quote somehow summed up my life recently. I was totally in very dark space when I dropped out from a life that I have build so hard to get on top, and unfortunately, I backed down.

I remember back when was so into my work and so damned good at what I love (I am not bragging, I just feel like damned good for the sake of my confident feeling). It was when I hit back in my university years. My friends are like sisters and brothers, we share sorrow and happiness together to get through the assignments. Thank God we are bounded like a sorority kind of thing. But, then things change as you grew older by each semester. Yeah, every ONE has been there. Some were changing lane, some were flaking, some were hanging on, but couldn't bare anymore, some were so confident that they could be the-happening-shining-bright star alumni after graduation, some were just being good but not-so-good enough, some....were just insecure.

Some are just like me. And I don't even know what I will categorized myself.

Late 2014 to 2015 had been a fucked up kind of year for me. I felt the freedom running through my hands and feet, yet I feel so lonely and unsatisfied and...pushed to the corner. I have plans I wanted to take but keep failing each time I want to do it. 2015 has been a year of devastation and depression and...I don't want to keep going but, the point is....It was the year of LEARNING.

Still learning, until now.

What I learned is... you gotta be a Salmon.

A Salmon fish has big sacrifices to go to the ocean by pushing themselves to cross the mainstream. They are the non-mainstream-er. (Dictionary, anyone??) They swim so hard across the river by jumping to the small waterfall, it means, they have to jump from the lower to the upper level of the small waterfall (that is so hard to do, ckck). Two things that can happen:
1. It will succeed and continue their journey to the ocean
2. OR, they will be eaten by bears.

Why they have to go to the ocean? For the female fish, they got to lay their eggs so that their children can grow and continue the life cycle. Salmon has been called a "super-fish" because they can live from fresh waters to salt waters; from river to the ocean. They are unstoppable because they have a long journey towards the end, and start again. Some of them which are not quite strong enough to handle the heavy streamline of the river, end up dead in the river. Some of who are succeed, it means they have completed their life-cycle. But, that is not over. They have to feed themselves to get stronger. If they managed to survive, they gotta start from ground zero, which is the river, to spawn.

(what's around the riverbeeenddd~~ waiting just around the riverbeenddd~~ I look once moooore~~ -Pocahontas' Soundtrack OR Salmon-Back-To-The-River soundtrack)

For those kelts or adult salmon who are toooo tired (or caught by Humans), they goes to heaven and leave a satisfied salmon-ish smile.

Go checked out the complete life cycle:

Salmon is a fish that has huge tenacity and spirit. In order to live they have to struggle hard. When I saw their story on Nat Geo Channel, I got chills. Incredible and down to earth. Their struggle is worth my money (to buy sushi or a big chunked of salmon). And of course, it is a story to be learned.
To be in your twenties, some of us are not getting what they have expected. They got smashed on their face, pulled bodies from the ground, even they got bloody noses to be who they wanna be. And its super OK for me, even I really want to experience those bloody feeling of wrestling with anything that I love.

In fact, I didn't. I was super sure that I was at the right place at the right time. Disney's princess movies are some ways bullshit and selling unnecessary dramas to reach your dreams. I got trapped by the word 'dreams.' I am a silly naive girl who grew up watching the beauty of Disney's Movies and discover that is not that easy to reach your dream: absolutely not by sitting and wait for prince charming's rescue.
Dream is a game of gain and effort. I was learning in a field that I was pretty much sure can be successful in it. But then, I realized that there are many uncovered variables that I don't want to involve in it at all. So I gained things, but...I puked my way out (not that bad actually).

Soon, I realize, that is not what I want. This is not the right place. 

With knowledge and skills that I have, I knew that I have options to be happy and proud. I am already at 'good' level at few stages of interior designing by learning all that shitty stuff I've gone through.
I moved on with millions of questions in my head without my friends telling me what to do. I am so lost. Although, in that lost process, I have found some sparks of ideas that can be real someday. After a few months, I was ready to rumble again. So, I picked the unfamiliar place to grow, to shaped, to uncover another mysteries, to create something that I am proud and happy (or, so I thought). And then I give it a try!

Now, it has been nearly 6 months I have involved in the writing world. Yes, writing. Let's go down to memory lane:

  • I started writing when I was.....8 years old, I think? At 11, I remember, I wrote about a romance of a vampire with a human. I am not sure, what I wrote. But my fascination of books started when Harry Potter hits the store. English version, by publisher called Scholastic. I was so confused whether I picked Scholastic of Bloomsbury publishing. I knew at that age that the difference is on the language; American and British Language (is it right? CMIIW). From book one to four I BEGGED my mom to buy me Bloomsbury publishing. She just kept bargain me to buy just one book per month, but I said..."nooo please mom, pleaseee...". I was reluctant to save money because it would've take time! Eventually, she allowed me to buy the whole 1 packed of Harry Potter, 4 books!! I was SUPER happy. And then, I brought HP and The Chamber of Secrets to my 5th year elementary school in Jakarta. They mocked me. I was officially a geek for the rest of my elementary school. 

  • I started drawing when I was....well, much younger than I discover writing. And always, everyday....drawing silly things like...dresses, princesses, magazine accessories, models, dresses, mermaids, eyes, lips, bodies and dresses. I was obsessed with mermaids and dresses. I decided, naively, to be a fashion designer one day. I am good at drawing, my crush in junior high is also good at drawing (I hope he finds my blog hihi). So, whenever there was a drawing class, I just soooo excited to looked up what he drew. And he also looked at mine too *happy* (okay, out of focus). Basically, when I draw something, I felt free, unchained and so into myself. It is something that I've created from my imagination, no one is telling me to draw houses with windows and mountains with sunny sky. It's my mind, and I threw it from my hands. 

Back again. These past months has been somewhat bizarre. I have the authority that I've always wanted, but at the same time, I was so emotional and kept being angry. It's a part of growing up, being an adult with full responsibility and also multitasking without working late until 12 AM (like I used to). Dealing with people, talk to them, write about poetic of spaces, architecture, design, coming to different spaces and I literally experiencing the mind and body senses within the spaces. Beside that, the most important is: managing stubborn, egotistical, inexperience people and myself. I feel useful in this place because I made a huge difference. Even I am not being appreciated straight forward, I think the increasing selling statistics can show me on my face that I did that. I am happy actually, I am satisfied because I take full responsibility and freedom while writing articles, also managing them. 

I don't know what I am and what I can do. Emilie Wapnick made a talk at TED: 'Why Some Of Us Don't Have One True Calling?' It make me realize and helped me a little from questioning myself: that a person has their choice to be a multipotentialite. Multipotentialite is... someone who has more than one obsession in their life. They tend to do one thing after another in terms of curiosity and aiming goal. Curious? Click below!

What these all got to do with Salmon? I am still searching of one or few things that can make me go crazy and obsessed like Salmon. I want to feel that obsession when I designed spaces back in school. I want to feel that obsession while I was writing about my thesis. I obsessed at getting to know one thing to another and dig down deep and doesn't care if anyone doesn't agree with my way. (Unless, I don't make money, of course, y'll kidding meh?) 
Before I wrote this blog, I don't realize how much I have learned to be positive and already make my way towards something good. Even I don't know what, how and when I become a Salmon again in work-life, I believe that...when the time is right, I know who I am and I know I'll be shinin' like a fucking Hollywood star (not literally). 


Here are some motivational pictures, I've found on a website. 

P.S: like I always wrote at the end of my blog: I am sorry for my bad grammar. Hope you guys stop judging me :)