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making choices in YOUR life

being a senior in high school is not cool at all. the pressure, OH MY GOD, it's really damned freaking me out.. it's stressful if you're not one of the brightess student in class, or even at school.. yoo, i am telling this because i am afraid of what's coming up next when i don't work hard in my studies.. I am a DREAMER, i should have faith and all of that buat right now something is frustrating me like i am in freakin HELL!!

well, the first thing that really annoy me was my smart, einsten, successful (he said), dilligent DAD makes meee to busting all of the physics, math, chems, 's equation and all in my freakin HEAD!! like i have to take rumus kemana-mana sampe gw bok**r pun haruss namanya rumus adalah best fckn friend until i graduate.. WAAHH.. yahup, it's pressure. the thing is that i can't and i don't want people to tell me what to dooo!!! i can't fckn stand that!!

oh my GOD, i am really sorry.. i am just losing control of those things.

i have to think what's best for me. i have goals in my life, i have plans. but i just too afraid to do what i have to do to achive that goal. my goal right now is be a student in
UNIVERSITY of INDONESIA! architecture of interior design.. (i actually more interested in fashion design, but my dad absollutely don't understand anything about fashion at all!)
YEAHH it must be diffucult, especially that i have remmember all of the equations! and exercise more difficult questions.. ARRGHHH it's scary you know that!! MY DAD WANT'S ME TO BE LIKE HIM! but i am not him, i am NOT!! my brain is not as capable as you are dad! i know i have to do my best but it's like you're making me something that i am not...

okayy take a second of breathing..

my dad and mom used to tell me:
we allow you to BE what you wanna be with one condition; be FOCUS and take it SERIOUSLY.

yeah, consistency and focus is hard.. i have some talent that i discovered by me and my parents..
  1. i draw
  2. i play piano (my parents took me)
  3. i swim (mom, she was a swimmer once when she was a childhood)
  4. i dance (mom took me to Sanggar Bulungan, and i keep it going because i like it)
  5. i write
  6. i love arts, i have sense of arts (i don't know about what you think, hehe)

well, that's about it. hmm, i don't know which one i'll take as the JOB OF MY LIFE.. i'll love my job if i love what i am passionate of.

FASHION.. oh yeah, i draw some skectches first when i was 12. and then i keep on doing that until now when i get an inspiration. but it stucked sometimes in my head coz, well, my environment doesn't boost me to do that.. i go with my own.. it's sad when i have nothing.. actually when i was in 11th grade, i planned to take an internship at Cosmogirl or any fashion magazine that will accept any young interns. but it was failed due to some problems, i don't remmember. but still i want to have some experience working in a magazine company to educate me being a dicipline worker, and have a great time stucking my whole body with fashion stuff! HAHAHA.

soo, i don't think it's fashion. but still i am passionate about it. hmm the thing taht i LOOOOVEE the most is ARTS.. ohhh my GOD i am i love with arts and animals.. hehe.

arts is: movies, music, fashion, paintings, scluptures, preforming and soooo much more!!

i know my experties, is in ARTS.. but what i have to think of that which of those arts reflect me to be who i really am.



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