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Do I Have A Life?

me, my teacher and my classmates having a great time eating cake, being narcisst, working our projects and just having FUN around our Art Studio (1st Semester,2010)

in the making of Architecture Interior Exhibition: Wondrous Art Trip,
December 2010

I kept thinking what my life is all about right now. Do I have a life? Do I have a destiny to fulfill? Or I just keep mingling with some nonsense things every single day, and making some nonsense imaginations in my head? I keep wondering what my life could be in the future.
Actually I realize when I found out with this 'undefined problem' or 'harsh problem'. My head is swirling with this problem every single day and it really disturbing. Every thing I do is always remind me of that problem and I was like thinking 'hey, you gotta stop thinking about this and start to move on. well, yeah its a big deal, but come on, if you just kept thinking about this all over again your LIFE is going to get no-fucking-where!'

Yeah, what's life without purpose? what's life without something or someone to be a motivation for me? well, that's what I'm thinking right now. My life is going to be stuck, hide and dangling somewhere inside me. that is NOT what I want.. all I wanted is to have a HAPPY life.

again, what is happy?

happy for me is I have someone to share with, I have something to be proud of, I have someone to be thank to, I have PURPOSE... etc..
the only thing that is probably really bothering me right now is I need someone to share. whatever that person is.. wherever.. and somehow because of my attitude or something, I've lost the person I cared about. this makes me feel neglected, abandoned and hurt. and that person probably doesn't know it at all. or?

My life has been amazing recently, I have wonderful friends, I have such caring families, I have 2 wonderful weird dogs, I have a home, I have a kosan (a cozy one), I have a school, I have some kind of well normal life. or is it? a question that I wonder. normal for me is like not enough, I want some challenge but when I face that challenge, I back down. I don't know, am I too scared or afraid to have such big responsibility? or I just wanna lay down in my safe zone.

this safe zone is actually not save at all for people. they think they have the right spot. well the safe and the right is not safe and right at all. they STUCK and they DIE. rotten with all the stuff they called 'sini-sini aja deh gue' or whatever it is. you might think that is safe? well if you wanna die fast and living like you have no purpose, its your CHOICE.

and I have a choice, I have a responsibility to work on and I KNOW what is important and what is not. my life pretty much complicated right now, if yours not, well, you might think your life is perfect. fuck with the perfection, its just your imagination that perfection is existed.. nothing is perfect. but trying to, well that exists.

what choices I have? what choices of life I have? I'm not getting younger, I will rotten if I don't make the right choice to achieve the perfection.. the word 'achive' is underlined here.

I have a choice to be HAPPY.
and the fact that my life is not happy, well, I have to find ways to get to it. GET BUSY is the right answer..
get move around, get some new experiences that not make a burden out of me, get someone.. hahaha.

do you think you have a life? think about it..



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